Struggling With Change

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could be. ~Unknown

You know, change is a funny thing. It's always happening and yet it never happens fast enough... or maybe slow enough... depending on what it is. My life is full of change. Some changes have been big and crazy and life-changing. Other changes have been little and didn't really make much of a difference. I feel as if I live my life in a constant state of change. I've said before that I spend entirely too much time waiting on my life to begin and take for granted that my life is this. This crazy, chaotic, hectic, constantly changing thing is my life. If you've been following me for awhile then you know that I have been truly struggling with changes and situations in my life. I was blessed to grown up in a home where needs never went unmet and wants were rarely unfulfilled. To put it simply, I am blessed. In the last year or so I have learned what it's like to live without. I have not ever gone without food or shelter or things like that. Don't get me wrong, I am truly a blessed person and haven't really gone without as others have... but I have gone without the life I am used to living. You know, strangely, I am glad. It's so eye-opening to wake up and realize you don't have half of what you used to and, yet, you have so much more than most and still plenty to give others. I cannot tell you the number of times I have walked into a grocery store to buy a very limited amount of food (due to our budget) and have been handed a bag from a charity to fill with canned food... and, of course, we filled it. The thing is, when you don't have a lot to give you truly understand the meaning of giving. You understand that people need things more than you do. You understand how hard it is to pick between paying the cable bill or the car payment or buying food. I have never had to make these choices. We somehow always have just enough to make it. (I know in my heart that it comes from God. He knows how much I have and the bills, thankfully, fit the pot.) I am getting way off task with this post... the point is to say that change is important. I've dealt with a great deal of change in the last year or so. I am proud of myself for coming through gracefully. I am proud of my husband for his patience and determination. I am proud of us for making it through this incredibly stressful time together. Our struggles are by no means over. They won't be for a long time. I know that. However, things are starting to look up and for that I am so grateful. I will post in more detail when things are set in stone and I know more information. 
As things change, I have a hard time accepting it. There are many areas of my life where I can accept and embrace change. It's just when things change that will cause your entire life to change that I start to freak out a little. Things are changing for us. For the better... but I am, nonetheless, scared to death.


As I used to say (and still constantly think), "Dear Lord, give me ground or give me wings."


(That comes from the quotes "When you reach the end of all you've known and are about to step out into the darkness of the unknown faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.")