Realized Something

Though the title of this blog is "The Everyday Life of a MilShelb Mom" and I do take pride in my MilShelb mothering abilities, I am, above all else, a wife. So, I thought that since I normally focus on MilShelb I would take a second to say how wonderful Jake is. lol!

Jake is a good man. I am amazed each day at how absolutely brilliant he is. I know that sounds like I am being sarcastic and those of you who know me personally know that I am a pretty sarcastic person, but I am being honest. Jake is just so smart. He says and does things sometimes and I am like "wow. I would have never thought of that!" lol Among all of his great qualities, Jake has a gift that will help us through life- he can make me laugh. It's true (and there's no denying it) he knows how to make me the maddest I have ever been, but in the middle of the chaos he can turn it around and cause me to laugh until I nearly cry. He always has these silly little stories and things to tell me. He (to my surprise) got me a birthday card this year. He doesn't always do this because I think he thinks cards are a waste of money... but he bought one. When I opened it and read it I thought it was cute. It said on the front "Happy Birthday to my wife." And on the inside "the woman I love to monkey around with." He explained to me that he had a hard time finding a card in Target that didn't have mushy stuff or nasty stuff in it. lol I thought that was so funny! Only he would feel the need to explain a card.

Jake has a way of keeping me grounded. It's not that he's bossy and tells me not to do stuff... it's just that he lays it all out there. He makes me see that, yeah I can spend that money on this whatever... but since neither of us have full-time jobs right now the best thing to do would be to keep the money for those silly things like paying bills. lol I'm still learning, but he is working with me on it... poor guy.

If you're reading this, Jake, I want you to know something. I want you to know that forever and ever what I said on our wedding day remains true- I choose you. I love you more than life itself.

I'll Stop for a Moment...

(Such cute little cuddlers!)

Time has FLOWN...

Milly and Shelby have truly enjoyed the holidays! They had a nice time with family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Their cousin Kodi came into town for the holidays with their Aunt Morgan and Uncle James. They were so excited to see him! :)

We had family pictures taken on Monday and MilShelb did not participate... but I have decided we will have to get their pictures made when it's a little warmer outside. They could love it! Shelby loves the camera anyhow. :)

Here's the family on Christmas!:

Here are a few of the professional pics we had made by Kimberly Wyatt. She did an AMAZING job!:

A Few Thoughts

Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart. - Gandhi That is so true. It is so important to have your heart fully involved in your prayer. Simply saying words does not make a prayer. I truly believe that you can pray without words, after all, God knows your heart. The sermon this morning was wonderful. Jeff talked about how many people are focusing on the fact that 2009 is almost over. And, boy, is it. He talked about how some people were glad it's nearly over and they can put it behind them and start new in 2010. He talked about how some people had a great year and would be sad to see it go. He also said that we are not promised 2010... we're not even promised the rest of today. We are promised the here and now- the present moment. We must choose wisely and not wish it away. In true "end of the year" fashion, I'm writing a blog to all of those I love because, after all, we are not promised tomorrow. 2009 has been a trying year for me. A year of big ups and downs... more like a roller coaster than any other year of my life. There have been wonderful days that I will remember forever and horrible days that I'd just assume forget... but these are the days that have made me who I am, that have somehow formed my life, and therefore, I am thankful for all 365 of them. To say that I am a blessed person would be an understatement. Many of you know my struggles and just by reading past posts on here you can learn more about them, so my saying that I am blessed and having a positive attitude at the end of this year is really a big step for me. It dawned on me during church today that I have been very lucky this year. Though I have not had all of my prayers answered in the way I would prefer I have not had any tragedies either. I am truly coming out on top this year. First of all, it would not have been a truly special year without July 18th... the day I became Mrs. Timothy Jacob Hall. He is an amazing man and though there are days I beg Ida to take him back (lol) I truly would not trade him for any other person on the planet. He is not my other half, (many of you know I have a strong opinion on that and I believe that we are two whole people all on our own) he is my whole heart. I thank God every day for him. I don't know what 2010 has in store for us and I have no doubt that our struggles are not over, but as I tell myself often- if we can get through this, we can get through ANYTHING... so bring it on 2010. We're ready! 2009 has also shown me that I am much stronger than I imagined. I am thankful for the trials- I know now that I HAVE IT! I CAN TAKE IT! lol There's a quote that says that "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much." God has trusted me with a lot this year- but He is the one who knows me best. I know he has wonderful things waiting for Jake and me. I can't wait! I have an awesome family... both my side and Jake's. They are truly selfless people who would give you the shirt off their back if you needed it... and wouldn't think twice about it. I just really can't say enough good things about our families. I realized recently that not everyone is blessed to have parents who always go the extra mile and siblings who lend a hand and never ask questions. I am so thankful to them for everything. Hands down, I have the best friends on this earth. They encourage me, support me, inspire me, and pick me up when I need them most. They keep me laughing. I am so glad to have such wonderful friends. I come home every single day to two sweet smiling faces who just want me to sit on the floor so they can kiss me! They are the most amazing examples of unconditional love that I have ever known. They love me no matter what. I cannot believe they will be 3 years old in 2010! Times sure does fly. It seems like just yesterday I was watching them waddle up the driveway to meet Jake for the first time. They were so tiny. I miss those days! Just writing this brings tears to my eyes. I love them so much. It's so true- pets leave paw prints on your heart. My grandmother has been amazing this year. She has helped me and supported me (and Jake) both emotionally and financially. I would not have made it without her generosity this year. I wish everyone could have a grandmother as sweet as mine. I just love her and her silly comments and funny faces and... I could go on for days. I truly want to thank everyone in my life. You have made a difference more than you know. I am still praying each and every day that things will get better... but, you know, it's hard to get much better than this! (With the exception of a full-time job, of course!)

The Love Dare

My friend Marlie and I have been doing a Bible study through the book "The Love Dare". It's a great book for both of us because we are newly weds and it has really helped us to each see things in a different light. It helps us to put things into perspective. Anyhow, due to our hectic and crazy schedules we have decided to do our study online through our blogs. Please feel free to read and comment on this or even join us.

This week I did Day 7 and Day 8. (We are only doing a couple of days a week due to our crazy lives.) In the chapters we were instructed to make two lists: one of positive characteristics about our husbands and the other about negative things. I will admit that both lists were easy to make, though I was pleased with myself that the list of negative things was not nearly as long as the positive. Unlike some people (from what I hear) I am blessed beyond belief to share my life with a man who makes me want to be a better person; a man who, when the world is falling down around me, always finds a way to pick up the pieces and make something of the mess. He is my heart. He is slow to anger, slow to place blame, and not easily annoyed. He understands that things go wrong and that we just have to stick together and stick it out. I wake up every day thankful to have made at least one right decision in my life- I married him. :)

Let's not go crazy though- we're not perfect. We don't always get along every second of every day. There are times when I want to strangle him and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. There are times when I think to myself "what were you thinking?!" He tries though... boy does he try. I am not an easy person to please, nor am I easy to live with. I know this. I am working on it every second of every day.

The first chapter told us not to speak rudely to or about this person. Basically, to watch our words. When I truly thought before I spoke I realized just how mean I could be sometimes.It made me realize how much of my frustrations I take out on him. That is not ok. It killed me to know that I could be so mean to someone who is my "chosen" one. I say that because that is my thing- his ring is engraved "I choose you"... and I do, Jake. I choose you every second of every day. I choose you for the rest of my life. I am sorry if I have hurt you or done wrong by you in any way. YOU are my heart.

Anyhow, the book said to make lists... and destroy the second one. And I did. GLADLY. It says that we need to be our husband's biggest fans. It says not to be jealous of your husband, but to be glad for him and his successes. When reading what Marlie said, I felt the same way. There are not many things that I am jealous of when it comes to anyone- including Jake. I feel like I have made these decisions and worked to get where I am and that God has a plan for me... however, the thing I do find myself being envious of is that I feel (much like Marlie said) that Jake has more time to himself. I know this will change soon and I also know that it is only fair. He is in school and I had that kind of time when I was in school- but I miss it so much sometimes. Other times I am glad to constantly have something to do.

I know that I am not the perfect wife... as I said before- I am hard to live with and I thank God that He made a man who can put up with all of the chaos that surrounds me daily. "Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your Glorious name. Blessed be Your name when there's sun shining down on me... and when there's pain in the offering. Blessed be your name!" He is leading me to a life where I can make a difference. I am so blessed. I know that I would not have the life that I have without Jake. I thank God for putting a man by my side who doesn't mind the bumps, starts, stops, and even the wrecks along the way. :)

LOVE you, Jake!

Halloween Pics

I said I'd post them... and here they are! :)

A MilShelb Update

He is your friend,your partner,your defender,your dog.You are his life,his love,his leader.He will be yours,faithful and true,to the last beat of his heart.You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.---Anonymous

Shelby was sitting on my lap earlier and commented that I hadn't written much about them recently, so I thought I'd update everyone...

Milly and Shelby are having a wonderful weekend! Their doggy parents and doggy uncle have come to visit for the weekend. They are enjoying their company most of the time... sometimes they're a bit jealous- but I think that's to be expected.

Shelby is a squirrel for Halloween and Milly is a Piggy. I'll post pics later. They're toooooo cute!!

I was out of town for two nights and two days this week... and I sure missed my MilShelb! They were so excited to see me when I got home. It is so nice to know that, no matter what else is going on, someone will be excited to see you! :) They're so sweet to me!

Staying Positive

You know it's funny- I've been told on numerous occasions lately that I seem to be such a positive person and that people appreciate my outlook... the thing is that I think people get the wrong impression- that it comes naturally- ha! SOOOO not true! I will say that is through a great deal of growth, personal choice, and PRAYER that I get through the day with a smile on my face. Many of you know that things are not all flowers and sunshine right now with my life- but when I look at what it could be I can't help but be thankful for what I have. I wake up every day and know that I have a choice... and I cannot tell you how much better I feel when I make the choice to be happy. I wake up and literally say to myself "Ok Maggie- you can be positive or you can be negative. You can be nice or you can be mean. You can smile or you can cry. It's all up to you." At that point I smile to myself and move on with my day. I know that I have chosen the right attitude. I won't say that I pick that every day. Jake can tell you (hahaha) that I can be a major grouch and I sometimes have to reevaluate my attitude before I head out the door... and I do. I know that there are so many people who have such difficult things going on in their lives and who am I to make it any harder?? I hope that I can make it through life and not have one single person say that I made their life difficult or ruined their day. I won't say that I always make it through the day positive- I get frustrated just like everyone else- but as soon as I do I say a little prayer to let it go.

So, to those of you who have noticed- thank you. I am trying to be a better person and with God by my side I know I cannot fail- it make take multiple tries and I'll have a few bumps along the way- but I know I'll get through it all.

I had a very good day today. I went to an interview... and though I do not know the outcome I know that I will not be upset with myself if the outcome is not what I want- because I know without a doubt that I did my BEST. I answered the questions with my whole heart and tried my hardest. Nothing can be said of my in that regard. I prayed and prayed that I would get this job- but I know in my heart that God is in my driver's seat and I'm just along for the ride- so where ever He picks my next stop to be is just fine by me. :) Let's just hope I don't lose my mind before then. ;)

Unanswered Prayers

I am living proof in the true blessings of "unanswered prayers". It's not that they were not answered- it's that they were not answered in exactly the way I thought they should/would be... and I thank God every day for being smarter/wiser than I am. Only He is able to see the big picture and where I am going... I am constantly praying for things, not getting them, and having such bigger and better things come my way. As many of you know for the last year or so I have prayed and prayed that God would find me a job. I haven't found one... but I haven't given up. I keep praying that He will lead us to a place where I can make a difference and truly help children succeed. I am trying my hardest to follow Him with my heart. It's not always easy- but in this time I have moved back to Rock Hill, gotten my feet back on the ground with church and set my heart right with that, met many new and interesting people who have truly made me a better person, and have grown so much by not being as selfish and learning to "stretch that dollar!" I am so very thankful for His plans for me... for His seemingly "unanswered prayers". There is just no telling what I and my life would be like had I had every single prayer answered exactly the way I wanted at that time.

Once again, and for reasons I will no yet list on here, I feel I am reaching the end of my current "tunnel" and stepping out into the darkness of the unknown... and this is my constant prayer- Dear Lord, give me ground or give me wings!

I'm a Believer

I heard a song the other day for the first time and it really touched me... it's called "Believers" by Joe Nichols. I know that not everyone out there is a country fan but it's such a great song! It talks about believers and how it's important to believe in something. I am so glad that I am believer. I believe in so many things... mostly, I believe in God, love, and family. I believe that every single person was put here for a reason. I believe that God has big plans for me. I believe that Jake and I will make it. I believe in a life-long love. I believe in animal rights. I believe that people know what's right but some choose to do what's wrong. I believe that it all boils down to what you believe with all of your heart... and with all of my heart I believe in God and His wonderful, mighty, powerful love for me- a sinner.

Tear Jerker...

BEN AND JAKE
by Debra Easterling

Ben and Jake were inseparable.

Sure, Ben loved me. We had been married thirty years or more.
But there was a bond between him and that Retriever tighter than a
three-ply cattle rope.

Every night like clockwork, my husband, Ben, would come home at
6pm, shake off his boots, and hang up his coat while Jake danced back
and forth. He'd always be rewarded for his performance as Ben
stooped to rub his ears. The grateful dog would then immediately run
to our room, pick up Ben's slippers as if they were as fragile as egg
shells, and then he would bring them to Ben's big easy chair.

Once the fuzzy slippers were snug on Ben's feet, Jake would walk
around in circles until he found just the right spot beside Ben's
chair. It was always the same spot, but the dog relentlessly made a
ritual of settling down.

After the evening news, Jake would take his place beside Ben at
the dinner table. He didn't beg for food, like other dogs. He
merely rested his golden head on Ben's lap until my husband was
through with his meal. With the dishes washed and dried, Ben would
stagger into the hallway and find Jake waiting beside the chair,
leash in his mouth, waiting for their nightly walk.

Without fail, Ben would say sweet terms of endearment to his
buddy as he again donned his coat and boots. No matter what the
weather, the two of them would head out to embrace the elements
together..

Last year about this time, a drunk driver drove his truck into
Ben's path. My husband did his best to veer the bus out of the way,
but there wasn't enough time. Ben and three passengers went to live
with Jesus that night. I lost the only man I ever loved and his
passing was extremely hard. I was grateful we had no children to
break the news to, but there was Jake.

The poor thing couldn't understand why Ben didn't come home. He
waited at the door every night at 6pm for a month. Ben never came in
to rub his ears. There was no one to dance for. I walked him every
night, but he only sat at edge of the property, waiting and watching.
Jake barely touched his food. He never joined me at the table. I
tried to make him feel better every once in a while by placing some
of Ben's clothes by his old chair, but Jake preferred to sleep now by
the door. Jake spent many evenings with his big yellow nose poised
on the doorstop, whimpering in his sleep. I thought my heart would
break.

Last night was the one year anniversary of Ben's passing. I
didn't bother to cook a meal. Food had little appeal. Even with
Jake by my side, I felt so alone.

Then suddenly, promptly at 6pm, Jake jumped to his feet and ran
to the door. He danced back and forth wagging his tail, whining like
a puppy, full of glee. He dipped his head, and then he bounded to
the top of the stairs, grabbed the slippers, and raced down to gently
lay them at Ben's chair. Jake then walked in circles, over and over
again, until he found the right spot, and laid himself down.

Naturally, I thought the poor old dog had finally lost it. His
grief caused him to recreate his nightly ritual. I bent down to pet
sweet Jake with the intention of whispering comforting words into his
floppy ears.

As I did, I found that my darling Ben had come back for his
faithful friend so they could both live with Jesus. The two of them
went for a final walk to embrace the elements together.

-- Debra Easterling

A Note of Thanks

I received two very nice notes today about my previous post. The two people know who they are and I want to say thanks! It was so sweet of you to be so sweet to me. I truly appreciate it. It made my day to know that I have made a difference. As I told one of the girls, I pray each and every day that God will help me to have a positive impact on others. I am so glad to know that my prayers have been answered and I am not praying in vain. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will REJOICE and be glad in it!

I've Come So Far

I had a friend ask me a question today that made me think back to when I had surgery. I know not everyone knows this, but when I was in high school I had surgery for Scoliosis. It was the summer after my freshman year. It was a crazy time for me. I had a hard time accepting it. In sixth grade I was diagnosed and ended up having to wear a back brace. I hated it. I absolutely thought it was the worst thing ever to have to wear that. In middle school all anyone is concerned about is how other people see them and what others think of them... and I was a wreck thinking about how other people would think I was "different" or "dorky" or whatever. I got over it eventually... when I found out I had to have surgery I was mad. I was scared. I was also happy- because that meant no more back brace.

I can still vividly remember the morning of the surgery. We had to be there VERY early and I was a nervous wreck. I was so afraid. I held it together until they made me take the hair-tie that I always wore on my wrist off... and I lost it! I cried and cried. They gave me something to calm me down and I don't remember anything until I was on my way to my room after the surgery. My mom says when I was in the recovery room I kept yelling for her and they eventually went and got her but I was still yelling for her. I didn't have a clue what was going on.

My room was on the pediatric floor. When I had to walk around the hall (which was not as easy as you'd think because I was sooo stiff I really had to work to stand up straight) I noticed all of the children in the hospital rooms near mine. I felt sad for them. They were little kids and they were stuck in the hospital... they couldn't be out enjoying their summer. It made me realize how lucky I was. Sure, my back hurt- but I knew I would get better (and did) but some of those children wouldn't. I had an amazing childhood and a little tiny bump in my teens was really nothing to complain about. I am thankful for my childhood and for every little day of my life since then. I'd taken so much for granted and I didn't want to do that anymore.

People always ask me if my back still hurts or if I feel any different... I'll admit that there are things I can't do and won't be able to do, but it's ok. My life is not any less rich because of those tiny things that have changed. I'm not allowed to go bungee jumping- but I never cared to anyhow. I'm not allowed to jump on a trampoline- but it's really not safe anyhow... though I sure did love it when we had one when I was younger. I can't do sit ups- my back just won't allow it. I just can't get it together to do it... though I wasn't good at them before and that may have something to do with that. I can't do certain exercises due to the fact that I simply can't bend in certain ways- but it really doesn't bother me. I will say that when I am really cold and shiver alot my back gets tired... some people will say it has nothing to do with the rods in my back but I say that it didn't happen before... lol. I don't like to go to concerts anymore because the loud noises make my back vibrate and the next day I am really sore... again, people will argue that it has nothing to do with the rods... and again I will argue that it didn't happen before... lol.

I won't say that it was easy. It wasn't easy. I don't say this to scare people- only to let them know this simple fact: It has truly made me a stronger person. I am who I am in large part because I had Scoliosis. I accept people with differences readily and I am not afraid of things like surgery (like when I had my wisdom teeth out...). I figure if I can go through that and be more than ok I can do most anything. :)

Just some thoughts...

Well, this semester is flying by... I have soooo much to do and soooo little time in which to do it. I am starting to stress over it all. I know I'll get it all done- I don't have a choice. I just get so caught up in it all sometimes that I nearly crack under the pressure.

I worked Saturday from 9:45am- nearly 1 the next morning... it made for a LONG day... but I am so thankful for the opportunity to work and the fact that it's for such an awesome company makes it even better. I had a great time- it was HARD WORK, but the people I work with are so nice and I just loved the fact that it was never boring.

I went to a funeral Sunday for a friend of mine's father. It was so sad. He graduated from high school with my step dad and it just really hit home for me. It really made me thankful for my friends and family and I am truly blessed for the time that I have with them. I am so lucky to be surrounded by amazing people every day. My friend and her family are in my daily prayers.

It's funny, you know, how people's lives can be nothing like they seem. I came across a couple this weekend that had tons of money and seemed to have the picture perfect life but it turned out that they had really had a hard time in the last couple of years with illnesses and deaths in their families- I thought to myself that I may not have much in the way of money when compared to people like that- but I have so much more than most when I think of my family and friends. I am so blessed.

I heard an old song today that made me think of Jake... seems like we don't see each other as much as we used to- and we live in the same house now! lol Anyhow, it's a song by John Michael Montgomery and it goes like this: I get up and battle the day, Things don't always go my way, It might rain, But that's okay, I get to come home to you... you are my best friend, and you are where my heart is, and i know at the days end i get to come home to you... i love coming home to you" It's so comforting to know that at the end of every day there he is... love of my life. There's just something so sweet about the simple pleasure of knowing someone's there for you no matter what. I am so lucky to have Jake in my life.

Roller Coaster

Well, life is a roller coaster... that's for sure. You know, for the last few months I keep thinking "well, when life really starts I'll (fill in the blank)..." Well, it occurred to me the other day that, like it or not, THIS is my life. The right here and the right now are my life. Well, hello Maggie! Thanks for finally waking up! It's crazy to just sit and think sometimes... this is not at all what I thought my life would be like. In like 9th grade we would write those silly things about "Where will you be in _ years?" This is certainly not what I would have put down on paper... Yes, when I'm 23 (nearly 24) I'll be married, still in school, not able to find a full-time job... uh, no. That's not what I thought. However, I kind of like the imperfections of my life. No, not having a job is not the easiest thing I've ever been through- but, it has taught me how to handle very little money and how to be happy not spending money. It's also allowed me to spend a great deal of time with Jake and MilShelb. It's allowed me to be very thankful for what I have.

It's still hard for me to look around and see people who found jobs... I still feel a hint of jealousy... but, I have prayed and prayed for God to help me to make a difference. I know in time He will find the right place for us and He will send us there. I'm still looking for jobs even though i'm in school full-time, because that's my priority. I feel like a loser sometimes when I have to tell people I didn't find a job... but I really have nothing to be ashamed of. I am in school, Jake and I are doing fine, and I am not doing without by any means. That's what counts the most.

I'm doing a Bible study with a friend of mine and it has really helped me. I don't want to write much about it for reasons I can't discuss... but it has truly made me want to be a better person and I am looking forward to the challenges it presents.

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I saw this quote the other day that really put me in my place and made things clear (in regards to mine and Jake's near future...) "Home is not where you are, but who is by your side."

Lord, give me ground or give me wings...

Just the way that I am...

Don't need no copy of vogue magazine
Don't need to dress like no
Beauty Queen
high heels or sneakers he dont give a damn
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

He never tells me I'm not good enough
Just give me unconditional love
He loves me tender and he loves me mad
He loves me silly and he loves me sad

Chorus:
He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
he likes my nerve but he loves my heart
He's always sayin' he's my biggest fan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

When there's dark clouds in my eyes
He just sits back and lets 'em roll on by
Come in like a lion go out like a lamb
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

Repeat Chorus:
He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
he likes my nerve but he loves my heart
He's always sayin' he's my biggest fan
My baby loves me just the way that I am

He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
he likes my nerve and he loves my heart
Don't see no reason to change my plan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

Crazy Love

I have been reading (and am still reading) "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It's a great book about God and His love for us. It really makes me think... how lucky am I to serve a God who loves me so much... so much that He sent His son to die on a cross for me?! For me! I am amazed at that love. I am excited to read the rest of the book. So far it's made me really think about my prayers. I am one of those people who prays every night before bed- but also when I get up in the morning and at different times throughout the day... sometimes when I need an extra push and other times just to say thanks. In this book, the author talks about not just talking at God but truly taking it all in... noticing all of the wonderful things He has provided us with and the amazing detail He put into everything. He talks about truly just taking a moment and standing in awe of God and His glory. I stand amazed. It's actually almost comical to think about how God, so perfect and holy and all-knowing and all-powerful, who made the entire world in only SIX days and rested on the seventh... how HE could love me. Love me and provide for me. I am truly honored.

Switching topics:

Sometimes I feel so lost. This whole being an adult thing is not at all what it's cracked up to be... there's bills to be paid and tons and tons of decisions to be made... there's chores to be done and all sorts of other responsibilities... it's exhausting! I am blessed to have a husband that stands by my side. He worries the mud out of me sometimes... but I am truly honored that he asked me to be his wife. Sometimes I take him for granted. I know it's awful to say. Sometimes I drive him crazy with my nit-picky ways and "dumb rules" as he calls them- like insisting that he sleep under the sheets and not allow his body to touch the comforter. (It won't fit in my washer! lol) I know I have silly rules and sometimes I drive myself nuts with the stuff I do... but he loves me anyhow. I'd say I'm pretty lucky to have him! :)

Lessons From a 4-Legged Friend

I am constantly amazed at the huge amount of love that fills the hearts of Milly and Shelby. They have so much love for each other, myself, Jake, and our family/friends. I was reminded of this today when Milly got sick in the house. I went to clean up her mess and she walked off to get a drink of water. Once I came back into the living room she was laying on the chair next to Shelby. I walked over and told her that I was sorry she felt badly and I hope she'd feel better soon. She looked up at me and then kissed my hand. It was as if she was saying thank you. Then she kissed Shelby's head. She is so sweet. No matter how badly they feel at different points in their lives, they are always trying to make others feel better. She may have meant that kiss as a simple thank you... or maybe it meant that she wanted me to be ok and not worry about her. She's just so sweet. I know sometimes when I am feeling sick I just want to be left alone. I don't want people to touch me. I don't want people to talk to me. I just want to be alone. Milly may have felt that way (I don't know- I don't pretend to be able to read her mind) but she welcomed my company anyhow. Possibly because she knew I needed it. I am so worried about her... My poor poor MaMil.

Thinking

I once heard a quote that went something like this... "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't think I was so strong." Sometimes I feel that way, too. I know it's this way for everyone, but MAN!... when it rains it POURS! I am drenched. I hate this. I get this self-pity thing going on and I always wallow in it for a few days before I drag myself back out and get on with my life. I started to feel that way today and then I stopped and took a deep breath and told myself that there is nothing wrong right now that will matter in a year... even in a few weeks. Money is always an issue. It will always be an issue. there will never ever be enough and until I grown up enough to be content with what I have been given I will never be happy. I need to just stop and take a look around. I have a roof over my head (not a nice as some but it is cool when it needs to be and warm when it needs to be and is more than many people have right now). I have clothes to wear. I have a car to drive (yes, it cost me an arm and a leg to get it fixed today- but I have it none-the-less). I have an amazing opportunity to be in grad school (something many people can only dream of). Most importantly, I have an amazing family and friends who would do anything for me. (Sure, everyone comes into the world with a family but not everyone gets to keep their family or be lucky enough to have an amazing family and friends.) No, I do not have it all. I will never have it all. That's ok though... because I truly have more than I could ever possibly need. I need to stop focusing on the bad and the negative and focus on the good and the positive. I have so much to be thankful for. I thank God for my many many blessings and for allowing me to have trials- they make me appreciate the good even more.

Happy Today

I'm happy today

Oh yes I'm happy today

In Jesus Christ I'm happy today

Because He's taken all my sins away

And that's why I'm happy today!

I love that song!! :) Makes me in a good mood. :)

Once In A Lifetime Love...

Once In A Lifetime Love By Keith Urban

I can see it in your eyes and feel it in your touch
I know that you're scared but you've never been this loved
It's a long shot, baby, I know it's true,
But if anyone can make it, I'm betting on me and you
Just keep on moving into me
I know you're going to see
The best is yet to come

Don’t fear it now; we're going all the way
Where that sun is shining on a brand new day
It's a long way down, and it's a leap of faith
But I’m never giving up, 'cause I know we got a once in a lifetime love

Everybody's looking for what we've found
Some wait their whole lives and it never comes around
So don’t hold back now,
Just let go of all you’ve ever known
You can put your hand in mine

Don’t fear it now; we're going all the way
Where that sun is shining on a brand new day
It's a long way down, and it's a leap of faith
But I’m never giving up, 'cause I know we got a once in a lifetime love

I close my eyes and I see you standing right there
Saying “I do” and they’re throwing rice in our hair
Then the first one’s born, then a brother comes along and he’s got your smile
I’ll be looking back on the life we had still by your side

So don't fear it now; we're going all the way
Where that sun is shining on a brand new day
It's a long way down, and it's a leap of faith
But I’m never giving up, 'cause I know we got a once in a lifetime love

Jake and I aren't perfect. We know that and we'll be the first to admit it. We aren't perfect people. We make mistakes. We fail sometimes. We get it wrong every now and then... but one thing is for sure. We truly have a "once in a lifetime love". I can honestly say that I have never met someone like Jake. He is an amazing man and I am blessed to be his wife. Jake Hall, I love you. Love love love you.

wow!

I saw this quote today on a friend of mine's facebook page...

"What I do today is important because I'm trading a day of my life for it." Unknown

It surprised me by how deeply this quote touched me. It is as if it all makes sense now. I need to make sure that I am truly putting my all into all that I do and living exactly as I should... because while today may just seem to be any other day it is not. It is a day of my life... one day less than I had yesterday. I need to stop talking about wanting to make a difference and get out there and make one. I need to remember that what I do is important and needs to be treated that way. Gosh, I am just so in love with this quote!!!

Thanks girl! (I won't put her name incase she doesn't want it in my blog.)

A Few Thoughts...

If you read this blog you probably know a few things about me... one being that I have 2 dogs and am totally obsessed! Well, I just have to have a moment to gripe. This is what really erks me... I hear of people all the time getting rid of their pets. They claim that these pets are "like family" and it "breaks their heart" to get rid of them but they are "moving and can't take them" or are "not able to spend enough time with them"... the list of excuses is a mile long. I especially hate it when I see that excuse of not enough time stuck to a dog at a SHELTER! I mean, hello... you don't have enough time so now your dog has NO TIME?! That is not right. I do not understand it. I thank God that I will never understand it. I would sell every last thing I owned before I gave up Milly and Shelby. When you get a pet it is your RESPONSIBILITY to take care of that pet. That means that you feed it, provide it shelter, take it to the vet, and (imagine this, here's the real kicker) LOVE it! A dog is the most loyal, loving creature. It loves you no matter what. You could be the most horrible person and your dog still thinks you are amazing. I truly believe that if people were half as wonderful as their dogs thought (or if they'd even try to be) this world would be a better place.

So, here's my point. If you have a pet- it's your pet. You made a (and maybe it was unspoken) promise to that pet. You are to be there for that pet and do the very best for that pet. I understand that there are some situations that are unpreventable, but you should still make your pet a priority. If you have to give it up, do not give it to whomever offers the most money. Take the time to find that pet a loving home... one that is better than the one you are providing.

I read something one time that really made me think. I know people wonder why I obsess over MilShelb so much- why I spend so much time with them... the answer is this (and forgive me, I don't know the name of the person who said it first- but they are sooo smart): A dog's life ranges from around 7 years to around 16. People don't think it's a big deal to leave their dogs for hours upon hours or even up to weeks at a time... that is a lifetime to a dog. Think about it- you'll probably live to atleast 70. That's nearly 10 times longer than a dog. So, while a few hours or days isn't much to you- it is sooo long to them. They miss you. YOU are their world.

That's it. I'm off my soap box...

oh, and please please please SPAY OR NEUTER YOUR PET!!!!

A Few New Pics

Just Because I Owe it To Them

I know it's weird... and call me crazy... but I like to look up and read about miniature dachshunds.

I think it is partly because I love dogs and mostly because I am obsessed with the two

minis running around ruling my house. I find Milly and Shelby to be many things... true to their breed,

they are loyal companions that feel the need to warn me at the slightest noise or approaching stranger

(even if the stranger is a bird, spider, or their own father). They are sweet little ladies that fill our days

with smiles, tail wags, and the occasional frustration over doing things that are, in my honest opinion,

not socially acceptable. :)

It is said on some websites that dachshunds are proud and bold. http://www.dogster.com/breeds/Miniature_Dachshund

They are also known for being independent thinkers and believe that they rule the world. http://www.yourpurebredpuppy.com/reviews/dachshunds.html

Some people describe them as fearless... especially for their tiny size. :)

I still remember taking them to Petsmart one day with my sister, Danielle, and her "dogter" Izzy. Milly (not even full-grown) decided to bark and growl at a HUGE dog. I appologized to the owner (who was hardly able to hold on to his dog) and got Milly aorund the corner and quickly explained to her that we do NOT ever bark at large dogs. I told her that she needs to pick fights with dogs her own size because when that big dog cam charging I was dropping her leash and running the other way!! lol She's a mess and has yet to learn that she is 16 pounds and not even a foot tall. Some call it the Nepolian Complex and she definately has it!

Milly and Shelby surprise me every day by how different their personalities are. They could not be more different if they tried! Milly is our loud, bold, courageous, watch-dog of a dachshund. Shelby, on the other hand, is our "little wiggle". She loves everyone and everything. She does not meet a stranger and she has a constant smile on her face and wag in her tail. Don't get me wrong, she barks out warnings to us as well... but normally only chimes in with Milly. She's so funny. She goes running after Milly barking along as if to suggest that she's "got her back".

We have our good days and our bad days. There are times when they make me want to pull my hair out, jump up and down and scream as loud as I can. There are times when they eat things they shouldn't or use the bathroom in places I don't see until I step in them... but at the end of the day they are my children... my pride and joy. We love them more than we ever knew possible. They are and will continue to be my inspiration to be a good person. As someone very wise once said "I want to be the person my dog already thinks I am." I strive for that every day. I don't always achieve it... but I sure do try.

Oh, MilShelb... I love you. :)

Moving On...

Well, as many may have realized school has started and I am jobless. Oh well. I was very upset about it at first and pretty sad on the first day of school when everyone started back and here I was... without a place to go. I've moved on from it though and have made some major decisions that I truly think are for the best.

1. I will not dwell on the fact that I do not have a full-time teaching job.

2. I will "get my foot in the door" by subbing and be grateful for that opportunity.

3. I will work on building my resume and references.

4. I will go to grad school... that's right, GRAD SCHOOL!!

I've applied to Winthrop and, as long as my meeting goes well tomorrow and I can sign up for their payment plan, I'll be starting class this week! Yay! I've decided to go for my master's in Middle Level Education. I figure that way I can teach 2nd to 8th grade and plus I think middle school is a different place to work. The kids are at that weird stage in their lives and I'm sure it makes for an interesting day. lol

I've been working in the yard planting plants and it has to be the most frustrating thing ever. I don't care for dirt or bugs so, needless to say, I spend the whole time entirely grossed out! haha But, the most frustrating thing about it is that MilShelb doesn't get it and thinks they should dig up the plants! grrr! It's actually kind of funny in an all-I-can-do-to-keep-from-losing-my-mind-is-laugh kind of way! lol

So, the main update is that I am still keeping my head up and a smile on my face and am trying my best to keep my head above water... and am getting my life in order. :)

This MilShelb mom needs some money... so feel free to get me to sub! :)

Struggling

"Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer."

It's horrible, I know... but I find myself growing more and more jealous of people who have been able to find jobs as teachers... it kills me to fill this way. I just don't know what to do. I am so tired of telling people I've been unable to find a job. It makes me feel like a failure. It's not that I think that I deserve a job any mroe than the next girl... just that I really wish I had one. I'm so tired of telling people "oh I'm planning on subbing..." with a smile on my face. It's getting hard to fake. I'm scared to death of not having a steady job with steady income. I'm afraid that since I didn't find a job this year that my references will be so out of date that I won't be able to find a job next year. I am just sooooo stressed.

I know that I have a great deal to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, fabulous families, amazing friends... and am married to a man that I know without a doubt will never leave me. I just feel like such a failure... so inadequate... all because I can't find a job. I know it's not me. It's that there are so many people looking for the few jobs available that people are taking people with experience or ending up hiring from within the district... it's just really getting me down. I'm trying so hard to be upbeat... I'm just feeling very beaten down...

Please keep me in your prayers. I need confidence that everything will be ok... that it will all work out...

Please, dear God, give me ground or give me wings.

Just Some Views, Thoughts, What-Have-Yous...

I have been busily working on this house, trying to make it perfect, and have not written as much on here as I probably should have. I thought I'd post some things I've learned since being married and some things I've known but now understand:

1. There's so much give and take in a marriage that it's really amazing. I decided when we got married that I would cook tons more than I had previously (which isn't difficult to do since I practically never cooked before). I have cooked a few meals since we finally got the kitchen set up and, much to my surprise, the meals have been edible at least. lol I awoke the other morning to find Jake making pancakes in the kitchen. I was very pleased with that little surprise and I don't know why, but the thought that popped into my head was "wow, that man really does love me." I know to most of the world it's just pancakes- but if you know Jake, it truly is something else. I am constantly amazed at how well this house has run with both of us working together.

2. There's no such thing as "my" anything. I don't have "my room". I don't have "my house." I don't have "my couch" or ... you get the picture. It's weird. Now, I'm not a selfish person by any means, but it's weird to have nothing (or nothing note worthy) as your very own. It's also funny because there are things that I thought Jake could care less about that since this is his house too he has had to have a say on... like where and how to hang pictures, put furniture, place items in the kitchen, etc. It's funny. I value his opinion, but am just shocked that he actually cares! lol

3. We don't always agree. Now, I have known this for some time now. I wasn't born yesterday and Jake and I have never shared the same views on many things. I don't really care that much. I figure that we are two different people and that is what makes this relationship work. We have never been each other's "other halfs" or whatever. We are two different people who happen to love each other and share some of the same goals. Some people feel that people who share different views on things, especially important things, don't work well together. It's really not true. Jake and I simply realize that we don't have to agree. We can get along just fine with a simple understanding that we don't have to be the same person in order to be married. I'm happy to have my own opinion and I'm equally happy for him to have his own. That personality and opinion is what makes him who he is- the man that I love.

4. Jake and I can look at each other and know what the other is thinking. Now, I don't mean that about everything. I just mean that it is really funny when I can look at him and tell he is thinking the EXACT same thing... and half the time we just start laughing out loud! For example, we were in Target the other day and I don't know what the deal is with Target in the middle of the day, but BOY!, that place was kid central! Now, don't get me wrong, I love children. I think they're great... however, I also like moms who can control their children. There is simply nothing worse than being stuck in a line between two sets of moms with multiple uncontrolled, misbehaved children. It erks me! I tried to be positive about it, but after I had been run into, poked, or what-have-you over ten times within two minutes I had had enough. I was just standing there thinking that I was really getting ready to put this crap down and leave when I look at Jake and catch his eye and, much to my surprise, he is thinking the same thing! I just crack up! It was so funny I could hardly make myself stop laughing. Anyhow, we finally get through the line and make it back to the car before we say anything. Once we get in the car Jake looks at me and says "if we ever even so much as think we want children- we'll just go shopping." lololol!!! I died laughing. I said to him, "what gets me is why people are so shocked when I say that I really don't want kids. I don't have the patience for that mess. How can people deal with that ALL DAY long?!?!" I understand that I am an education major. I enjoy children. I enjoy teaching children. I enjoy helping children. However, I do not enjoy being around ten billion of them while I try to shop, think, eat, etc. It drives me batty. I truly appreciate the people who have it in them to teach and have kids- it's just not me. (Off my soapbox!)

5. I love him more everyday. I didn't know it was possible. I thought I loved him as much as I ever could, but I honestly love him more and more every day. I'm also finding that love changes depending on the situation. Sometimes, I love him for making breakfast. Sometimes, I love him for cleaning out my car. Sometimes, I love him just for who he is. Other times, I love him in spite of the fact that he left coke cans everywhere after I just cleaned or left his shorts out instead of putting them away... He's still my H. I love him even when he drives me nuts! I'm finding that when I feel frustrated with stuff, I just kind of start laughing. I don't know why. I think it's God's way of making me see that it's really just small stupid stuff in the big picture.

Well, that's enough of that. I need to mention now that MilShelb went to the vet yesterday. What a rough day for us all! Poor little Shelby had a HORRIBLE allergic reaction to the rabies shot and had awful welts all over her body. She was swollen and it was awful. I felt soooo bad for her! I mean, she's just so tiny and I just felt so helpless. She's a mess, for sure. However, she's ok now. She's been on medication to help the swelling and itchiness. She's feeling back to her normal self.

Poor ol' Milly had to put up with Jake and myself feeling sorry for Shelby all day yesterday. It made her so sick she puked in the yard today! lol Poor kid.

Once we finally got home from the vet the power went out and that was a whole other ordeal in itself. I was pretty worried baout it but then the city people came and fixed it and it's all better now, so whatever.

MilShelb has been playing in the yard alot lately. They really like it. They are also working on their potty manners and I'm pretty pleased with the results. Shelby is especially doing well. Milly is so well trained to the pee pads inside that she's having a hard time switching over... so, for now, we're keeping both. I don't want her to pee on my floor and better the pee pads than the floor. She's trying though. She just has such a weird little schedule. If I could somehow figure out how to get them both on the same schedule it'd help... we shall see. I think Jake and I need to be on a routine before we can expect them to be and right now that's not the case... but school starts soon and hopefully we'll have some sort of a set schedule.

Well, I'm still looking for a job. I'm still praying for one. I'm still trusting God to lead me. Jake looked at me today and said "it'll all work out. I just know it." I said "I know it too... just not how I wanted- but you can't walsy get what you want." It's so true. You can't always get what you want... but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need! lol

Dear God, give me ground or give me wings. Please! Please please please.

The Climb

I heard this song on the radio the other day. I rarely listen to the radio... so, no... it's not new... but it was all about how I feel right now...

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it,
The dream I'm dreamin'
But there's a voice inside my head sayin'
You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My fate is shaking

But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a up-hill battle
Sometimes were gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes it might knock me down
But, No, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember Most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin'

And, I, I got to be Strong
Just Keep pushing, oh
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
Were always gonna wanna make it through
Always gonna be a up-hill battle
Sometimes were gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's The Climb

Yeah

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a up-hill battle
Sometimes were gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith woah

Jake and I just finished moving and unpacking... FINALLY! We've moved back to Rock Hill. I am still searching for a job- but nothing has worked out so far. It's hard to keep going some days, because I feel like I keep climbing and climbing and am getting no where... but when I heard this song it was exactly what I needed. It really isn't about what's on the other side of the mountain or hill or whatever- it's about the journey, the climb. I am trying to be content with all of the wonderful things that God has blessed me with. It's not enough to simply be "content" and I know that. I should be thankful beyond belief- but I am struggling with that. I honestly feel like I have worked so hard to get to where I am and yet I cannot find a job- I know that I am a good teacher. I know that I would be a great addition to any school. I am a hard worker and I am more than willing, if not happy, to go the extra mile. I just need to get my foot in the door! People keep making suggestions about this and that- things I won't write on here... I know they say them to be helpful or encouraging or simply because they think it hasn't occured to me. I keep my mouth shut, but what I wish I could say is that Jake and I will make it. We may not have much- we may not even have enough all the time- but we will make it. I keep saying this, but there is a true difference between surviving and thriving. I just want to survive right now- thriving is not my goal at the moment.

God, give me ground or give me wings!

One Lucky Dog

I always talk abou how much I love Milly and Shelby. They truly make my life better and have made me a better person. I saw this story today on the Today Show and thought "wow! I'm not the only person who LOVES their dog!"

Thought I'd share the link...

http://www.wesh.com/news/20153132/detail.html

Catching Up With Me...

Well, time sure is catching up with me... I don't know if it's time or the lack there of... but somehow everything's catching up with me! lol

I have 4 days until the wedding. I have lots to do. I have no job. (Yes, I do have a part-time job, for which I am very thankful- but I need a full-time job.) I have to pack. I have to clean. I have to finish projects. I have to wash my hair. lol I have so much to do. I have no one to thank for all of this but myself and I know it. I put this all off until today and I can only blame me. I'm having a hard time staying positive- but it's certainly not for a lack of trying.

I am trying to have faith that things will all work out. I need things to work out. I know that they will in one way or another... because things always do- I'm just really having a hard time accepting that they may not work out exactly as I want them to. I have devoted the last 5 or more years of my life to my education so that I could become a teacher- so that I could make a difference. I am frustrated that this preparation has not led to a job.

I signed off saying that I would not view my references. I am now learning that that was a dumb move. I trusted people to be professional and say good things. I trust people too much. I have since learned that my references are not that good. It's not that they're "bad" but they're not perfect either. I am wondering if that has something to do with me not getting a job. I am feeling helpless and bad for myself and that is not a good thing to do. I won't say anymore baout that situation, as I am trying to be professional and may have already said too much.

I am tired. I am stressed. I am worried beyond belief. I am scared to death of not finding a job. This MilShelb Mom needs some prayers that she finds a job! lol

God, give me ground or give me wings... please. please. please.

Prayer Works

I've learned in the last year or so that prayer really does work. Tonight I decided to look up quotes about prayer and share those with you...

Afterall, it take a lot of prayer to get through everyday life as a MilShelb Mom... lol

"Don't pray for lighter burdens, but for stronger backs." -Unknown

"There is a vast difference between saying prayers and praying." -Unknown

"Courage is fear that has said it's prayers." -Dorothy Bernard

"Pray and let God worry." -Martin Luther

"All prayers are answered if we are willing to admit that sometimes the answer is 'no'." -Unknown

"Grant that I may not pray alone with the mouth; help me that I may pray from the depths of my heart." -Martin Luther

"A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing." -Unknown

We must alter our lives in order to alter our hearts, for it is impossible to live one way and pray another. --William Law

Faith in a prayer-hearing God will make a prayer-loving Christian. --Andrew Murray

If you can't pray a door open, don't pry it open.-- Lyell Rader

Rich is the person who has a praying friend. --Janice Hughes

I suppose that's enough for now... just some things to think on.

Oh, the wedding...

Well, the wedding is quickly approaching and I finally sat down this afternoon to make a list of things yet to be done... and, boy, is there a list! Goodness! I'm beginning to become a bit frazzled over everything- but the thing is if something doesn't get done it just doesn't get done and the wedding will still happen and at the end of the day we will still be married. lol

Milly and Shelby had a wonderful time at their Gma and Gpa's house yesterday for the Fourth of July. It was their Aunt Danielle's 21st birthday, so we had a nice cookout and enjoyed hanging out with the fam. Milly's favorite part was getting a bite of rib meat and Shelby truly enjoyed getting to help Danielle blow out her candles. lol

I'm still in search of a job- some things never change. lol I'm still praying every other minute that God will lead us to a place where we can make a difference. We will make it through this. I know we will. I'll find something. It may not be exactly what I had in mind- but God won't leave us hanging. I just know it.

As I'm typing this I'm reminded of a story told sometimes by preachers (including my own): There once was a town that had a flood. In this town was a man who prayed to God to get him out alive. About this time some people on a raft came by and asked if he wanted to join them. "No," said the man, "God's going to save me." As time went on the water rose and the man went ot the second story of his house. He prayed again "God, please get me out of here alive". About this time a boat came by and the people asked the man if he wanted to get in their boat. They told the man it was getting rough out there and he would surely drown. "No," answered the man, "God's going to save me." So on their way the people went. As time went by the water rose more and more until the man was forced to stand on his roof. Again he prayed to God to please get him out of here alive. About this time a helicopter came by and hovered over the house. The person in the helicopter yelled down to the man to grab the rope and he would take him to dry land. "No," answered the man yet again, "God's going to save me." Well, as anyone would imagine the man died. He drowned. When he got to heaven he asked God, "God, why didn't you save me?!" God answered, "I sent you a raft, boat, and helicopter. What more did you want?" lol

Well, that goes to show that you need to pray but god doesn't always answer things in the way you might have imagined. Obviously, that man wanted God to swoop down and grab him up and save him. God, however, sent three different ways for the man to be saved and the man chose to take none of them. It's not that He's not listening- it's that he sees the bigger picture!

Now, back to finishing up plans so that this MilShelb mom can get to bed!

The Times... They Are A'Changin'...

Well, a great deal has happened since my last post. I had the interview and did not receive an offer. I took it in stride, though, because (as I keep saying) I'm trusting God to lead me. If I've learned one thing from my 23 years here on earth it is that we have to fail a few times so that we can truly appreciate success. Of course, it was dissappointing. I won't deny that- but, I am better for having the experience of the interview as it was unlike any other interview I have ever been in.

I had an interview in Rock Hill earlier this week- and also did not receive an offer for that job. I will say that I was crushed. I don't think it is so much that I did not get the job as that I feel that I am running out of time. Here it is the beginning of July and here I am- still unemployed. I am having a hard time putting all my faith in God and I know that I must do that. I'm working hard on it though and saying a constant prayer that He lead me and keep me strong. I know that when the time is right and the job is right I will find it or they will find me and it will work out. I also know that God sees things a little differently than the rest of us here on earth and He sees the BIG picture. I know that if I do not get a job this year (though it will be VERY DIFFICULT) He has something in store for Jake and myself that we cannot even imagine. I'll hang in there. I have no other choice.

I just wanted to post an update... and ask for prayers! I'm doing my best to keep my chin up and a smile on my face. I just pray that God blesses Jake and myself with a happy life and marriage. Our wedding is coming up very soon and I think that is another reason I am concerned about not having a job... but we will make it. We will be strong enough. I know they say it can't be done- but if it must we will live on love. lol