Struggling

"Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer."

It's horrible, I know... but I find myself growing more and more jealous of people who have been able to find jobs as teachers... it kills me to fill this way. I just don't know what to do. I am so tired of telling people I've been unable to find a job. It makes me feel like a failure. It's not that I think that I deserve a job any mroe than the next girl... just that I really wish I had one. I'm so tired of telling people "oh I'm planning on subbing..." with a smile on my face. It's getting hard to fake. I'm scared to death of not having a steady job with steady income. I'm afraid that since I didn't find a job this year that my references will be so out of date that I won't be able to find a job next year. I am just sooooo stressed.

I know that I have a great deal to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, fabulous families, amazing friends... and am married to a man that I know without a doubt will never leave me. I just feel like such a failure... so inadequate... all because I can't find a job. I know it's not me. It's that there are so many people looking for the few jobs available that people are taking people with experience or ending up hiring from within the district... it's just really getting me down. I'm trying so hard to be upbeat... I'm just feeling very beaten down...

Please keep me in your prayers. I need confidence that everything will be ok... that it will all work out...

Please, dear God, give me ground or give me wings.