I've Come So Far

I had a friend ask me a question today that made me think back to when I had surgery. I know not everyone knows this, but when I was in high school I had surgery for Scoliosis. It was the summer after my freshman year. It was a crazy time for me. I had a hard time accepting it. In sixth grade I was diagnosed and ended up having to wear a back brace. I hated it. I absolutely thought it was the worst thing ever to have to wear that. In middle school all anyone is concerned about is how other people see them and what others think of them... and I was a wreck thinking about how other people would think I was "different" or "dorky" or whatever. I got over it eventually... when I found out I had to have surgery I was mad. I was scared. I was also happy- because that meant no more back brace.

I can still vividly remember the morning of the surgery. We had to be there VERY early and I was a nervous wreck. I was so afraid. I held it together until they made me take the hair-tie that I always wore on my wrist off... and I lost it! I cried and cried. They gave me something to calm me down and I don't remember anything until I was on my way to my room after the surgery. My mom says when I was in the recovery room I kept yelling for her and they eventually went and got her but I was still yelling for her. I didn't have a clue what was going on.

My room was on the pediatric floor. When I had to walk around the hall (which was not as easy as you'd think because I was sooo stiff I really had to work to stand up straight) I noticed all of the children in the hospital rooms near mine. I felt sad for them. They were little kids and they were stuck in the hospital... they couldn't be out enjoying their summer. It made me realize how lucky I was. Sure, my back hurt- but I knew I would get better (and did) but some of those children wouldn't. I had an amazing childhood and a little tiny bump in my teens was really nothing to complain about. I am thankful for my childhood and for every little day of my life since then. I'd taken so much for granted and I didn't want to do that anymore.

People always ask me if my back still hurts or if I feel any different... I'll admit that there are things I can't do and won't be able to do, but it's ok. My life is not any less rich because of those tiny things that have changed. I'm not allowed to go bungee jumping- but I never cared to anyhow. I'm not allowed to jump on a trampoline- but it's really not safe anyhow... though I sure did love it when we had one when I was younger. I can't do sit ups- my back just won't allow it. I just can't get it together to do it... though I wasn't good at them before and that may have something to do with that. I can't do certain exercises due to the fact that I simply can't bend in certain ways- but it really doesn't bother me. I will say that when I am really cold and shiver alot my back gets tired... some people will say it has nothing to do with the rods in my back but I say that it didn't happen before... lol. I don't like to go to concerts anymore because the loud noises make my back vibrate and the next day I am really sore... again, people will argue that it has nothing to do with the rods... and again I will argue that it didn't happen before... lol.

I won't say that it was easy. It wasn't easy. I don't say this to scare people- only to let them know this simple fact: It has truly made me a stronger person. I am who I am in large part because I had Scoliosis. I accept people with differences readily and I am not afraid of things like surgery (like when I had my wisdom teeth out...). I figure if I can go through that and be more than ok I can do most anything. :)