Roller Coaster

Well, life is a roller coaster... that's for sure. You know, for the last few months I keep thinking "well, when life really starts I'll (fill in the blank)..." Well, it occurred to me the other day that, like it or not, THIS is my life. The right here and the right now are my life. Well, hello Maggie! Thanks for finally waking up! It's crazy to just sit and think sometimes... this is not at all what I thought my life would be like. In like 9th grade we would write those silly things about "Where will you be in _ years?" This is certainly not what I would have put down on paper... Yes, when I'm 23 (nearly 24) I'll be married, still in school, not able to find a full-time job... uh, no. That's not what I thought. However, I kind of like the imperfections of my life. No, not having a job is not the easiest thing I've ever been through- but, it has taught me how to handle very little money and how to be happy not spending money. It's also allowed me to spend a great deal of time with Jake and MilShelb. It's allowed me to be very thankful for what I have.

It's still hard for me to look around and see people who found jobs... I still feel a hint of jealousy... but, I have prayed and prayed for God to help me to make a difference. I know in time He will find the right place for us and He will send us there. I'm still looking for jobs even though i'm in school full-time, because that's my priority. I feel like a loser sometimes when I have to tell people I didn't find a job... but I really have nothing to be ashamed of. I am in school, Jake and I are doing fine, and I am not doing without by any means. That's what counts the most.

I'm doing a Bible study with a friend of mine and it has really helped me. I don't want to write much about it for reasons I can't discuss... but it has truly made me want to be a better person and I am looking forward to the challenges it presents.

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I saw this quote the other day that really put me in my place and made things clear (in regards to mine and Jake's near future...) "Home is not where you are, but who is by your side."

Lord, give me ground or give me wings...