My brain is so scattered right now that I can't really think straight. I do that when I have too much going on... which seems to be my life lately.
You know, I am not a person who goes looking for drama. Really. I'm not. Plenty of people say that, but I MEAN it. I am not. I truly would rather run and hide from it, but I always end up right where I don't want to be- stuck in the middle of an impossible situation. Yuck.
I really try to mind my own business. I mean, between Jake, the MilShelb, and my 16 kids, my job, my class I have to take, and all the other odds and ends of my life, I really have more than my fair share of crap going on. Yet, that's not ever enough. Others seem to feel the need to pile it on me. I have a hard time saying, "no. Don't tell me that. I don't want to hear it and I cannot possibly keep your secret." Of course, I don't say that. I listen. I take it in. I feel for them. I can't sleep half the time because of someone else's problems. I really care way too much about other people.
I have decided that for my own sanity, I am going to start saying no. I am going to start saying, "please don't make me your confidant. I cannot take it." Or, "Well, you can tell me but I'm at least telling Jake because I just have to have someone to talk things through with." That poor man, between me and all my crap and everyone else I know's crap he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders (and yet he just goes on with his life. Nothing bothers him.).
The point is, if you know you're one of those people who are weighing me down with your burdens, this is my silent cry- please stop. It's not that I don't want to be your friend. It's not that you can't talk to me. It's not that you can't confide in me, but choose carefully because I simply cannot take all of your stresses and carry them, too. I cannot do it.