call me what you'd like... but I'm skipping to Day 10: Something You're Afraid Of.
I used to be afraid of being alone. I'm not anymore. I have Jake. I know he will never leave me... until his dying day. He is an amazing man.
I used to be afraid of the dark... and, to be honest, I still am... but that's for another day.
Well, I take that back. Maybe I'll just make a list of things I'm afraid of...
1. the dark. :) I refuse to walk through a dark house... even my own. I hate dark parking lots, dark cars, just dark in general. I always feel like someone is behind me. Weird, I know.
2. the "unknown". I am afraid of things unknown to me... like, people dying. It's unknown when the people I love most will leave this earth and I am afraid to lose them.
3. losing my MilShelb. I hate to think of a day without them... mostly because I hardly remember my life before them. They have really changed my life.
4. Shelby running away. That girl is an escape artist. If there is a tiny hole in the fence, you'd best bet she'll find it and be gone in a heartbeat. So far, I have been fortunate enough to have been able to keep up with her... but you just never know.
5. Fire. I am deathly afraid of fire. I'd say one of my worst fears is my house catching on fire. I just cannot imagine the panic that would go through me. I would not know what to do.
6. (I know this may sound a bit odd... but I'll admit it) I am afraid of not telling Jake that I love him and then something happening to him or to me. I tell that man I love him every time I leave the house. I just never ever want him to wonder if I truly did... because I truly do.
7. getting in trouble. Now, I know that sounds strange and sounds like I am up to no good, but that's not the case. Because of this fear I am constantly checking and rechecking everything. I hate having people fuss at me. It rarely happens, but I always feel like total crap afterwards and go over and over in my mind what I should have done. Good thing I rarely get in trouble.
8. last but not least, passing evaluations. (If you don't know much about teaching in SC, we have to go through evaluations in order to become teachers with more permanent teaching certificates. It can be a very difficult process.) What will I do if I don't pass?
The thing about fear is that it's really pointless. The thing that is happening will happen whether you fear it or not. You're supposed to put your fears, burdens, and worries on God. I need to do that more... and rely on myself less.