Life as a Milshelb Mom is crazy, hectic, and FUN... it's mostly full of LOVE... love for a MilShelb who make my world go 'round.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


You know, I sometimes get the question "when are you going to have a kid?" Well, I think it's funny people naturally assume that people who get married are just going to up and start having kids. The thing is, why on earth would I have a child now? I am unemployed. I am married to an unemployed man. Both of us are looking as hard as we can for jobs... but we have been unsuccessful so far. Jobs are not the point of this post though, kids are. My point about the jobs is- if I cannot hardly afford myself then WHY would I have a child?
On to my next"no kid" point. Kids are a HUGE responsibility. HUGE. I normally respond to this question by saying, "oh we have two children. Their names are Milly and Shelby and they are four-legged and furry." To me, Milly and Shelby are my children. Are they the only children I will ever have? Who knows. Not me. The only person who really knows the answer to that is God.
Besides being a huge responsibility, kids are also a big commitment. I know this sounds silly to those of you who have children, but you have to commit to a child for a minimum of 18 years- but, let's be real, for the rest of your life. I am just not so sure how I feel about that. The rest of my life could very well be a long time... especially if I make the decision and then wish I hadn't.
I do not in any way believe that the idea of having children should be taken lightly. I believe that children are a blessing from God, and that I have some choice in accepting that blessing or not. The thing is, children need so much. I do not have it to give right now. I may not ever. Who knows.
The other thing about kids- it is not a one person decision. It is a decision for both people in the marriage. Jake and I have a take-it-or-leave-it approach. We really don't care. We're not totally opposed to the idea but neither one of us is like "MAN, I REALLY WANT A KID!" We both agree that once we have jobs and a house we will discuss it. That's it. We both have so many things we want to do in life and we are just not sure how kids will fit into that.
Let's face it. Jake and I live in the "here and now." We are planners to an extent, but we also know that there are MANY things that we have no control over. We both thought we'd have jobs by now and be very close to looking for a house. That hasn't happened. So, who knows if kids will happen either.
People have even asked me (when I have said I doubt we will have kids) about my parents. Well, I love my parents. I think they are wonderful. They are wonderful with Milly and Shelby and I have no doubt that they would be amazing grandparents... however, my parents know that we need jobs and an established life first. Let's just state the obvious- they raised me. They won't be raising their grandchild. They would rather not have a grandchild than have one that I resent. I would never want to have a child and then resent it.
People have also asked me who is going to take care of me when I'm old if I don't have kids. Really? Seriously? If anyone is having children for that reason... well, in my opinion that is just wrong. Plus, I know of plenty of people who don't bother to help take care of their parents. So there.
Also, people say that because I am an Elementary Education teacher they think it is strange that I am not dying to have children. Well, hello. My choice in professions does not dictate my choice in my personal life. think about that reasoning for a moment. Does that mean if you are a nurse you want to always have a sick kid? Or if you are a doctor for broken bones you will have a kid with broken bones? Um no. Does that mean if you are a vet you automatically have 50 pets? I doubt that. I work with children all day. I love them. I do not want to come home to children. Is that really that strange?
The point is that it is not really right to ask people about their plans to have children unless you are very close to them... or unless you have no manners. It's just weird and puts people in an awkward position.

1 comment:

  1. If you want to read a fantastic book about this very subject, read The Pregnant Pause, by Carrie Friedman, I reviewed it here:

    I am right there with you, and I talk about it on another post her:

    Just know that you are not alone, another girlfriend of mine who has been married 1 year this month is in the same boat. Enjoy where you and your hubby are in your journey right now, and what it means to be a wife and mommy to MilShelb. The rest can be determined later.