As the saying goes...

There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,

Who never did,

Who won't anymore...

And who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past,

there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future






So so true. Some days it's time to grow up and move on.


You know, every day I thank God for Jake. Even when he makes me mad. That's the first thing I pray each night, "thank you for Jake". I know how lucky I am. I know how truly blessed I am. I look around at other people's lives and situations and am constantly grateful for mine. It's not always easy, it's not always fun, it's sometimes hard to find the "worth it" in life, but I know that no matter what happens I am coming home to a man who loves me, who accepts me, who understand me. I know that at the end of each day I pray to a God who knows, hears, and sees all things. Who loves me even though I am a sinner and am unworthy of His love. I know that I will always have two sweet cuddlers who love me and are thrilled to see me walk in the door. I know that I have people by my side that do not question my actions or ethics. I know that I have made the best decisions I could for that day. Mostly, I know that with God by my side I can do anything. I am so glad for that. 
I have learned in life that things will always get worse before they get better and that you have to make the most of the cards you've been dealt. 
Things are getting interesting but I'm hanging in there!

.

Maybe I Should Bite My Tongue... Again.

You know, I wrote an entire blog about forgiveness and all that stuff, but I erased it. What I want to say can be summed up like this:

Forgive.

Let it go.

And move on.

Be the bigger person.

And I have.

I am.

I shall.

I am trying.

Most of the time I bite my tongue...

But not today. Today I am angry. I am angry that, once again, teachers are being misrepresented. I am tired of it. If you are not a teacher then you could not possibly have a CLUE what it's like. So, I'll walk you through my day...
4:45- alarm clock goes off
5:30 (or 5:40)- leave house
6:30- arrive at school
6:30-7:30- prepare for day (make copies, run errands in school, write morning message, clean up, organize work stations, experiments, etc.)
7:30- kids arrive in room
7:30-8:00- spend time repeating myself many times to remind children of procedures and help them with their morning work, check agendas for notes from parents, check homework
8:00-8:15- morning meeting (discuss date, weather, number of days in school, etc)
8:15-9:20- teach literacy (help children with reading, spelling, vocabulary), repeat tons of times what they should and should not be doing, ask them one more time to please stop talking over me
9:20-10:00- kids go to related arts (this means that I get to use the restroom, grade papers, enter grades, prepare for math, science, social studies, call parents)
10:00-11:05- more literacy, children go to work stations to reinforce what they've just learned, I teach phonics and spend any spare time asking children to please get to proper work station and work on their work
11:05-12:05- teach math, remind them of what we've been doing, review, model new math, have them practice, call small groups, help kids in small groups, remind other students to please get quiet and work on their own work, wrap up lesson and review once more (take mental notes of things they're not understanding so that it can be focused on again tomorrow= replan.)
12:05-12:35- teach social studies, review what we learned previously, repeat myself for what feels like the millionth time (but I would literally do a million times if they needed me to), make sure they understand the topic
12:35- line up for lunch, get 16 people quiet and in a line and not fighting, pushing, or anything else, manage to get down the hall way in one piece
12:40-1:05- lunch (which means opening everything, helping kids with table manners, making sure they're not too loud... does not mean I actually get to eat anything)
1:10-1:30- recess (the kids play, I ref.)
1:30-1:35- water and bathroom break
1:35-2:20- teach science (use planned experiment, repeat directions multiple times to make sure they get it, let them go at it, regroup and discuss)
2:20-2:40- sign agendas (make notes on behavior), read aloud if extra time, pack up book bags, make sure they have everything they need to take home in their book bags
2:40-3:00 (every other week)- bus duty- make sure one group of kids get on their bus when it arrives
3:00-4:30 (or later if needed)- make copies, call parents, replan lessons, prepare for next day, grade papers, plan small groups... etc. etc. etc.

The point is, a lot goes into a day of teaching. So much more than could possibly be put on here. Am I always cheerful? No. Am I always pleased with their decisions? No. Am I always the BEST teacher ever? I doubt it. However, these kids are my life. Literally. I work my rear end off for THEM. I work 10-12 hours a day for them. Why? Well, I'll tell ya, it sure ain't for the money! ;) It's because my desire is for them to succeed. If that means early mornings and late nights, so be it. If that means frustration to the point of tears because they aren't giving me their all- good. If that means giving a huge hug and pat on the back for a job well done... GREAT! The thing is, no one can understand what it's like to be a teacher until you are a teacher. Until you walk a day in a teacher's shoes you cannot know what it means. I love those kids. I worry about them. I pray for them. I work FOR them. No one goes into teaching for anything else. They go into teaching for the kids. they go into it to make a difference. I realize there are problems. I'd be lying if I didn't admit it, but the honest truth is that teachers are out there every single day working hard for someone else's child. They are out there giving their all to someone else... so someone else can succeed. Don't tell me that it is the teachers's fault that the school systems are failing. Don't stand there and tell me that. I work my rear end off to give my kids everything they need... tons of time and my own money go into each child in my room. You know what, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I will never give up on my kids. I will never give up on the public school system. I know that we can succeed just as I know that my kids can. We just need more people to back us up.

Alright, that's my two cents. I'm done now.

Life is...

Life is never exactly what it seems to be... or what you'd want it to be. You know, the funny thing is that I am getting to the point where I am ok with that. Maybe this is my training for something else. Who knows. I have been put in such strange situations lately and I have come out on top. I am really pretty proud of myself. I have learned to make the most of difficult situations and just accept things as they come. Now, don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean I like all of the strange situations and difficult circumstances, it just means I am working on growing up.
I love teaching. I really truly do. It is just something in my heart that tells me I am doing something great. I don't think I'm making huge differences every single day. To be honest, I'm probably not making huge differences at any time in the day, but the important thing is that I am giving it my all. My kids notice things like that. When I half-way my way through a conversation or am half-hearted about something they know it. They deserve my best and so I strive to give them that each day. I know plenty of teachers who hand out worksheets and book pages and that's it. They don't really give it anything and they go home at the end of the day with energy to spare.  I am at school at 6:30 each morning. I leave around 4 or 4:30. I am exhausted when I get home. I give my all to those kids.
You know, I had an interesting conversation with one of my students the other day. I explained to him that I do not read minds. It is not one of my talents, so if he needs help with something or doesn't like something or is afraid of something he needs to tell me. I told him I am here for him. I told him it is my job to see to it that he gets everything he needs and that I am working hard to see him succeed. I explained to him that I care about him and his success and that seeing him not try his hardest hurts my feelings because I know he is better than that. He just looked at me and smiled and said, "I promise I'll talk to you about things and ask for help." I hope he does. I really would love for each of them to succeed at their dreams!

9/11

You know, I remember exactly where I was when I found out about the attacks. I was in high school in French class. What a horrible day. I can remember not really understanding the total awfulness of the whole thing but thinking it was cool that we got to watch tv at school and not really do any work. I've always been a person who kind of turns a blind eye to the news and stuff (shame on me, I know) and, let's face it, in high school many of us were more concerned about our date Friday night than the world around us... and that was me. However, I knew instantly that many people lost their lives and that even if I didn't know them there were many people who lost loved ones... friends, parents, sisters, brothers... I prayed for them and their lost loved ones. I prayed for the people who did it... that one day we would all understand, however, there is no understanding to such a cruel act. I will never understand, but I will say that I am and will continue to be proud to be an American. People can try to break us, but our spirit remains in tact. We will always persevere. We will always come together in times of need. We lost many wonderful people that day, but we gained so much... we gained a dying spirit... and I am so proud to be an American!

Oh Weekends...

How I do miss you so.

I used to love you.

Now you are just a time for more school work and no play.

Sad.

How very, truly, utterly sad.

What I Wish I'd Known...

I was reading a blog the other day and it got me to thinking about how much easier my life would have been if I'd known then what I know now... oh to be able to know the future... of course, in many cases that ignorance is bliss. However, I decided to make a list of all the things I wish I'd known (ok, not all of them, but some of them).

1. That guy is NOT the guy for you. Believe me, when you meet the guy for you nothing else in the world will matter but him and his happiness. You'll do everything in your power to make his dreams come true. And the even crazier part is he'll do the same thing.
2. Yes, you do deserve him. He is a magnificent man and you deserve the best. Don't ever doubt that. He loves you no matter what- through thick and thin, happy days and awful ones... and one day he'll put his dreams on hold so you can live yours. That, my friend, is a true MAN... and that, my friend, is true love.
3. You're not a cat person. Willow [cat I had growing up] has much to teach you, and when it's her time you need to let her go. She's done her job and you will not own another cat... you will, however, fall madly in love with two beautiful mini Dachshunds. Yes, dogs. I know, it doesn't seem possible... but it's true!
4. It does not matter what others think. Let me repeat... it does not matter what others think. One day you will learn not to care. I promise you that life is so much easier when you just don't give a crap what others think about you.
5. Things will not always be easy. Whatever you do, SAVE your money. [If only I'd known to keep every little penny the last year of my life would have been so much easier!]
6. Things will not always be difficult. Just hold on, girl! You will make it. You will succeed. You will feel so much more triumphant and proud of yourself when you do... and, to top it off, you'll have an amazing husband  by your side the whole time.
7. No one remembers high school. And the ones that do only do because they wish they were still there. Who cares what happened then? Move on. So will everyone else.
8. Your best friends will still be your best friends in your mid twenties. No, seriously. They're amazing girls and they will stand by your side on your wedding day. Don't be mean. Don't be bossy. Don't ever let them doubt how much you care!
9. Just love other people. Don't judge them. Love them with everything you've got to give. With all your heart.

Please Spread the Word!!

Please spread the word. I've posted on Donor's Choose . org and am trying to raise money for my class to have a listening station! Please take a look and help spread the word!
Thanks so much!!

Happy Labor Day!

I know... I'm on my third one today...

But, I rarely post any more and I have some things on my mind. I was reading this blog and it just made me think about something that has been bothering me for a few weeks now. I can't really give specifics on the situation, but I am dealing with some people who make inappropriate comments to me. I am tired of it. I am tired of people being petty. I am tired of people thinking I'm dumb and don't know what I'm doing. I am tired of people making comments that they would be better off keeping to themselves. I was talking to a friend the other day about this person's comments and how it really bothers me and she put it so simply, "there will always be haters." Now, if that isn't a true statement I don't know what is. I am sick of people trying to get me down and I am pretty sure it all goes back to plain ol' jealousy. That's right. I said it. JEALOUSY. I am not a jealous person. I do not envy what others have because I know that I am a blessed person. I am blessed by the people in my life and by the life that God has blessed me with. I do not know this other person's trials nor does this other person know mine... yet, this person constantly makes comments like I am an idiot and like I just fell off the turnip truck. Now, I realize that part of this stems from cultural differences and that's fine, but I am growing very close to asking said person to keep their two cents to their self and leave me be.
You know, no matter how hard you work, no matter what you do and with what sort of heart you do it with, there will always be people who think you think you're better than them, who think you're trying to show off, who think they know more (and, by golly, they're gonna point it out... and, of course, in front of others).
So, I'm going to hold my head high, just like I tell my kids, and be the best teacher that I can be... who cares what others say- knock 'em dead and kill 'em with kindness!!

Casting Crowns Praise You In The Storm

I am linking up to "Worship and Praise Sunday" at Following the Footsteps. Go see her page! What an awesome song that she's sharing.

I chose to share this song because it is one that touches my heart and reminds me daily to praise God even when the storm is bad! He is the God of all things and I am to praise Him in good times and bad. I try to be thankful to Him for everything... even problems and bad days... after all, it is those days that help me to appreciate all of the blessings in my life!!

A Few Things...

and then I really do have to get to work on my endless list of things to do today.

Yesterday I went shopping with a new friend. I had a great time and hope we get together again sometime soon. She's a fellow teacher at my school and has really made my transition into this whole thing called the "working world" a little easier. Anyhow, we went in to PetSmart and they were having an adoption day there. Awww... all of those sweet doggies. I felt so bad for them. I hope that they all find their forever homes very soon. I found 2 that I would have taken home in a heartbeat if I could have. We just really cannot afford any more pets family members and Milly and Shelby do not react well to other animals in their space. So, I left feeling a little sad. One of them was a long haired standard doxie. He was so beautiful and calm. He was 6 years old and has heart worms. That made me so sad. Something so easily preventable... I won't get started on that soap box today.

Another thing is that I finally realized yesterday that it is true- things are never greener on the other side. I am not in any way trying to be a pessimist. I am simply stating how I see things. Life is hard. Life is busy. Life is, in my case, just a constant flow of "if it's not one things it's another"s. I know that sounds awful. I hate that it sounds awful. I am just having a hard time being all grown up. How pathetic is that? I told Jake yesterday that I feel like I am working my butt off, have nothing to show for, and all (literally all) of my money is going to bills. Jake says, "Well, this is the real world and we're adults now. That's just how it is." Well, I thought to myself, that sucks. hahaha!

I am working very hard at school. I am working just so unbelievably hard. I don't have time for hardly anything else. I am constantly thinking of things to do and ways to improve my teaching. I am already starting to feel burnt out. That, my friends, is not good. We haven't even been in school for a month. I decided that after I get my long range plans finished (and for those of you who don't teach this is basically a semi-detailed plan for the entire year) I am going to take a break. No more school stuff all day long on the weekends once that is finished. I just cannot do school 24-7. I am worn out. So, I am thinking I'll at least try to take off one day a weekend. I know both is impossible. So, I am aiming for one and, who knows, maybe I'll get to the point where I can just go home on Friday afternoon and enjoy the weekend. We shall see.

To Molly's Mom

I saw this at this site and wanted to share it with others, and especially Molly's Mom in this difficult time. 


TREASURED FRIEND 


I lost a treasured friend today
The little dog who used to lay
Her gentle head upon my knee
And shared her silent thoughts with me.

She’ll come no longer to my call
Retrieve no more her favourite ball
A voice far greater than my own
Has called her to his golden throne.

Although my eyes are filled with tears
I thank him for the happy years
He let her spend down here with me
And for her love and loyalty.

When it is time for me to go
And join her there, this much I know
I shall not fear the transient dark
For she will greet me with a bark.

        ~Author Unknown 


You are in my thoughts and prayers.