Well, it's that time of year again... the time when we make those silly resolutions that we normally fail to keep by about the second month of the year... however, I am making one this year (again) to improve my outlook. I have decided that though I try very hard to be a positive person, I am not giving it my all... so, my goal is, yet again, to be a more positive person.
I am, again, struggling with the whole job thing. As the second semester of the year begins my hopes of finding a job this year are dwindling. I keep wishing something would fall in my lap- at the same time I am checking websites, emailing people, and doing everything I know to do. God has blessed me with a second long-term sub position this school year, which is wonderful, and though I am trying to be grateful, I cannot help but think that come March 1st I will, yet again, be unemployed. I pray and pray that He leads me to the right place. I pray and pray that He will bless Jake with a wonderful job. I keep thinking that maybe Jake is going to get a great offer soon and we will have to move and that is why I have not been able to find something... but I just never know if that is wishful thinking, me going crazy, or actually a possibility. The idea of being solely responsible for paying the bills for the next month or so scares me to death. Never before have I been in a position where when there's no more there really truly is NO MORE. Yikes! I know in my heart that God will provide for us. I know that He provides for everyone who puts their trust in Him. I also know that it is only in the darkest time that you can truly see dawn. I'm just wondering what God considers hitting rock bottom... when will that come??? Has it not already happened? Who knows. This is not very positive talk for someone who is supposed to be working on being a positive person... but I am really struggling with that.
I ask a favor of you. I ask that you pray for me, as I do every day that he will give me ground or give me wings... because that tunnel is coming to an end and I am scared to death.