Roller Coaster

Well, life is a roller coaster... that's for sure. You know, for the last few months I keep thinking "well, when life really starts I'll (fill in the blank)..." Well, it occurred to me the other day that, like it or not, THIS is my life. The right here and the right now are my life. Well, hello Maggie! Thanks for finally waking up! It's crazy to just sit and think sometimes... this is not at all what I thought my life would be like. In like 9th grade we would write those silly things about "Where will you be in _ years?" This is certainly not what I would have put down on paper... Yes, when I'm 23 (nearly 24) I'll be married, still in school, not able to find a full-time job... uh, no. That's not what I thought. However, I kind of like the imperfections of my life. No, not having a job is not the easiest thing I've ever been through- but, it has taught me how to handle very little money and how to be happy not spending money. It's also allowed me to spend a great deal of time with Jake and MilShelb. It's allowed me to be very thankful for what I have.

It's still hard for me to look around and see people who found jobs... I still feel a hint of jealousy... but, I have prayed and prayed for God to help me to make a difference. I know in time He will find the right place for us and He will send us there. I'm still looking for jobs even though i'm in school full-time, because that's my priority. I feel like a loser sometimes when I have to tell people I didn't find a job... but I really have nothing to be ashamed of. I am in school, Jake and I are doing fine, and I am not doing without by any means. That's what counts the most.

I'm doing a Bible study with a friend of mine and it has really helped me. I don't want to write much about it for reasons I can't discuss... but it has truly made me want to be a better person and I am looking forward to the challenges it presents.

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I saw this quote the other day that really put me in my place and made things clear (in regards to mine and Jake's near future...) "Home is not where you are, but who is by your side."

Lord, give me ground or give me wings...

Just the way that I am...

Don't need no copy of vogue magazine
Don't need to dress like no
Beauty Queen
high heels or sneakers he dont give a damn
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

He never tells me I'm not good enough
Just give me unconditional love
He loves me tender and he loves me mad
He loves me silly and he loves me sad

Chorus:
He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
he likes my nerve but he loves my heart
He's always sayin' he's my biggest fan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

When there's dark clouds in my eyes
He just sits back and lets 'em roll on by
Come in like a lion go out like a lamb
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

Repeat Chorus:
He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
he likes my nerve but he loves my heart
He's always sayin' he's my biggest fan
My baby loves me just the way that I am

He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
he likes my nerve and he loves my heart
Don't see no reason to change my plan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

Crazy Love

I have been reading (and am still reading) "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It's a great book about God and His love for us. It really makes me think... how lucky am I to serve a God who loves me so much... so much that He sent His son to die on a cross for me?! For me! I am amazed at that love. I am excited to read the rest of the book. So far it's made me really think about my prayers. I am one of those people who prays every night before bed- but also when I get up in the morning and at different times throughout the day... sometimes when I need an extra push and other times just to say thanks. In this book, the author talks about not just talking at God but truly taking it all in... noticing all of the wonderful things He has provided us with and the amazing detail He put into everything. He talks about truly just taking a moment and standing in awe of God and His glory. I stand amazed. It's actually almost comical to think about how God, so perfect and holy and all-knowing and all-powerful, who made the entire world in only SIX days and rested on the seventh... how HE could love me. Love me and provide for me. I am truly honored.

Switching topics:

Sometimes I feel so lost. This whole being an adult thing is not at all what it's cracked up to be... there's bills to be paid and tons and tons of decisions to be made... there's chores to be done and all sorts of other responsibilities... it's exhausting! I am blessed to have a husband that stands by my side. He worries the mud out of me sometimes... but I am truly honored that he asked me to be his wife. Sometimes I take him for granted. I know it's awful to say. Sometimes I drive him crazy with my nit-picky ways and "dumb rules" as he calls them- like insisting that he sleep under the sheets and not allow his body to touch the comforter. (It won't fit in my washer! lol) I know I have silly rules and sometimes I drive myself nuts with the stuff I do... but he loves me anyhow. I'd say I'm pretty lucky to have him! :)

Lessons From a 4-Legged Friend

I am constantly amazed at the huge amount of love that fills the hearts of Milly and Shelby. They have so much love for each other, myself, Jake, and our family/friends. I was reminded of this today when Milly got sick in the house. I went to clean up her mess and she walked off to get a drink of water. Once I came back into the living room she was laying on the chair next to Shelby. I walked over and told her that I was sorry she felt badly and I hope she'd feel better soon. She looked up at me and then kissed my hand. It was as if she was saying thank you. Then she kissed Shelby's head. She is so sweet. No matter how badly they feel at different points in their lives, they are always trying to make others feel better. She may have meant that kiss as a simple thank you... or maybe it meant that she wanted me to be ok and not worry about her. She's just so sweet. I know sometimes when I am feeling sick I just want to be left alone. I don't want people to touch me. I don't want people to talk to me. I just want to be alone. Milly may have felt that way (I don't know- I don't pretend to be able to read her mind) but she welcomed my company anyhow. Possibly because she knew I needed it. I am so worried about her... My poor poor MaMil.

Thinking

I once heard a quote that went something like this... "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't think I was so strong." Sometimes I feel that way, too. I know it's this way for everyone, but MAN!... when it rains it POURS! I am drenched. I hate this. I get this self-pity thing going on and I always wallow in it for a few days before I drag myself back out and get on with my life. I started to feel that way today and then I stopped and took a deep breath and told myself that there is nothing wrong right now that will matter in a year... even in a few weeks. Money is always an issue. It will always be an issue. there will never ever be enough and until I grown up enough to be content with what I have been given I will never be happy. I need to just stop and take a look around. I have a roof over my head (not a nice as some but it is cool when it needs to be and warm when it needs to be and is more than many people have right now). I have clothes to wear. I have a car to drive (yes, it cost me an arm and a leg to get it fixed today- but I have it none-the-less). I have an amazing opportunity to be in grad school (something many people can only dream of). Most importantly, I have an amazing family and friends who would do anything for me. (Sure, everyone comes into the world with a family but not everyone gets to keep their family or be lucky enough to have an amazing family and friends.) No, I do not have it all. I will never have it all. That's ok though... because I truly have more than I could ever possibly need. I need to stop focusing on the bad and the negative and focus on the good and the positive. I have so much to be thankful for. I thank God for my many many blessings and for allowing me to have trials- they make me appreciate the good even more.

Happy Today

I'm happy today

Oh yes I'm happy today

In Jesus Christ I'm happy today

Because He's taken all my sins away

And that's why I'm happy today!

I love that song!! :) Makes me in a good mood. :)

Once In A Lifetime Love...

Once In A Lifetime Love By Keith Urban

I can see it in your eyes and feel it in your touch
I know that you're scared but you've never been this loved
It's a long shot, baby, I know it's true,
But if anyone can make it, I'm betting on me and you
Just keep on moving into me
I know you're going to see
The best is yet to come

Don’t fear it now; we're going all the way
Where that sun is shining on a brand new day
It's a long way down, and it's a leap of faith
But I’m never giving up, 'cause I know we got a once in a lifetime love

Everybody's looking for what we've found
Some wait their whole lives and it never comes around
So don’t hold back now,
Just let go of all you’ve ever known
You can put your hand in mine

Don’t fear it now; we're going all the way
Where that sun is shining on a brand new day
It's a long way down, and it's a leap of faith
But I’m never giving up, 'cause I know we got a once in a lifetime love

I close my eyes and I see you standing right there
Saying “I do” and they’re throwing rice in our hair
Then the first one’s born, then a brother comes along and he’s got your smile
I’ll be looking back on the life we had still by your side

So don't fear it now; we're going all the way
Where that sun is shining on a brand new day
It's a long way down, and it's a leap of faith
But I’m never giving up, 'cause I know we got a once in a lifetime love

Jake and I aren't perfect. We know that and we'll be the first to admit it. We aren't perfect people. We make mistakes. We fail sometimes. We get it wrong every now and then... but one thing is for sure. We truly have a "once in a lifetime love". I can honestly say that I have never met someone like Jake. He is an amazing man and I am blessed to be his wife. Jake Hall, I love you. Love love love you.

wow!

I saw this quote today on a friend of mine's facebook page...

"What I do today is important because I'm trading a day of my life for it." Unknown

It surprised me by how deeply this quote touched me. It is as if it all makes sense now. I need to make sure that I am truly putting my all into all that I do and living exactly as I should... because while today may just seem to be any other day it is not. It is a day of my life... one day less than I had yesterday. I need to stop talking about wanting to make a difference and get out there and make one. I need to remember that what I do is important and needs to be treated that way. Gosh, I am just so in love with this quote!!!

Thanks girl! (I won't put her name incase she doesn't want it in my blog.)