Opening Doors

"Oh God, You are my God and I will ever praise You.

I will seek You in the morning

and I will learn to walk in Your ways

and step by step you lead me

and I will follow You all of my days."

I am such an impatient person and this job search is killing me. I keep telling myself a few things each day to make it through:

1. God is good and He is on my side.

2. If He cares for the birds of the air and the fish of the sea then surely, surely He cares for me.

3. God does not close one door without opening another.

4. Some of God's greatest gifts truly are unanswered prayers. (My life is a testement to this. I have prayed many times for things I did not receive, only to be given much more magnificent things than I could have ever imagined.)

5. "God, give me ground or give me wings!"

6. I don't need to thrive- just surviving is acceptable. :)

I have come to the conclusion that I have taken many many things forgranted in my life. I was raised in a household where we never went without needs and I, honestly, cannot remember a want that was not fulfilled. This is not to say that we were/are spoiled brats, but we certainly have more than most. I never for a second considered the amount of money it took to give us the things we wanted. I thank my parents for being so generous. They are amazing people.

However, I am in the process of learning (with Jake's help) the differece between a need and a want and the necessity of living within my means. I cannot afford to buy expensive clothes, and therefore I must not do so. I cannot afford to go out to eat all the time, and therefore I must make dinner and pack my lunch. It's not a big deal but it's simple things that will make a BIG difference in the months to come... especially if I am not able to find a teaching job. I am grateful to Jake for his patience through this process.

I pray every single day that God leads me to a job. I know that just because He does not answer the way I want Him to does not mean He has not heard me and will not answer. He hears my prayers. He will answer as He sees fit, for He knows what is best for me. I am trying so hard to be faithful in the idea that I may not get a job, but that that will lead Jake and I to bigger (and maybe even better) places and things. We will not have a lot of money and we may not ever... but we will be ok. This is truly an act of faith and I really feel as if I am feeling my way through the dark... but I am trying my hardest and nothing negative can be said of me in that regard.

I worry a lot about not having a job. I have tried to "give it to God" as people say- but I am just too much of a control freak to totally hand it over. I don't know how people can simply pray about things and expect them to happen. It's like my mother tells me "faith without works is dead" (or something like that)... and it is so true. I am truly stressing out about not being able to support myself and Jake as he finishes school. I know that in the end it will all be ok... but when I am in the middle of this situation and chaos it's hard to look for the "light at the end of the tunnel" so to speak. Oh, goodness... I just need to stop now. lol

Welp, that's my update... life as a MilShelb mom that needs a job. lol