Saturday, March 19, 2011
I'm a Pretty Honest Person
I won't lie... I'm pretty honest most of the time. I'll tell people anything really. I'm pretty much an open book and I don't have too many secrets. Most of the time I am happy and enthusiastic. There are days, however, when the stress of my life gets to be too much. Stress? You may ask. What kind of stress could you possibly have? You know, I've found the saying is true, "the grass is never greener on the other side." Really- there's just different grass. This time last year I was long-term subbing, hardly getting by, and stressing like CRAZY over finding a full-time job. I was living on no money and wondering where my next meal was coming from and how we'd ever be able to pay all of our bills... but, God answered my prayers and I found a job. Now, my days are filled with other stresses- deadlines and more deadlines, long days, busy night, tons of kids, teacher drama, and the toll of driving nearly an hour each way for work. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful beyond belief for my job. I do tend to have complaints sometimes but I know in my heart I am thankful for even the things I complain about because it means there is a roof over our heads and food on our table and gas in our cars... and a little left over to buy a new shirt every now and then. The husband has a job and all is well with the world. Yeah, right. Budget cuts. Oh budget cuts. As if my world isn't crazy enough. I don't really think I will lose my job, but that is always a possibility. It's really a possibility for anyone these days. As the year is winding down and the stress continues to build, I find myself wondering if I'll still be employed next year. No one has given me a reason to think I wouldn't, but I think that because I worked so hard to get this job I am terrified I will lose it. I have worked so hard this year and I would hate to have to walk away... to be forced to leave. You know what I would miss the most? The one thing I thought I'd hate... the hugs. Those kids are lovers. They just love to hug you and smile their big smiles and they want to know they're loved and welcome. And they are. Strange, how your life can be so drastically changed in less than a year by children. They've really made me a better person. They truly have. So, I'll take the stress and the fear of the unknown (because, that's really all it is ) and I'll hug my babies and savor the moments. The grass may not be greener, but the sun is brighter and "my kids" have changed me for the better.